After my new rejection letter (posted here a week or two ago) I got a number of comments saying that while there are thousands of rejection letters going out, only a small handful of writers see acceptances, so it might be nice to share that letter, too. Fair enough. If you ever sell a story to IGMS, here's what you can expect:
Dear Exalted Author,
How can I thank you? How can I ever properly thank you for lifting my soul from the depths of the slush pile to such glorious heights as you did with your heart-wrenching yet insightful tale. It is art of the highest order and it is my pleasure to offer you this publishing contract.
As you review this contract, please note that clause 1.b does require world-wide and first North American print and electronic rights to your left arm, your second-born child, and your best friend from high school. Clause 6.a, refering to your "voluntary" contribution to my daughter's college fund, is set up in such a way that you can make six equal payments over the course of the next two years. However, if you miss a payment, interest and penalties will be back-calculated to your year of birth. And no, clause 7.c is not negotiable. Don't ask; just go to your grandmother's house and do it.
Thank you again for lifting my soul. I can not tell you how much I look forward to your next submission.
Editor Ed
P.S. Tune in next time for my new letter to subscribers whose subscriptions have lapsed.
Now that's the letter I hope to get. Of course, I'm not sure you'd want my second born. He's two and got the flu right now.
ReplyDelete--Jeff P.
LOL! If you knew my grandmother, you'd know why I didn't question 7.c
ReplyDeleteJeff, I'd offer to trade kids, but it wouldn't improve either of our flu situations.
ReplyDeleteJulie, YOUR grandmother is who we had in mind when we wrote that caluse... ;-)
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ReplyDeleteCRAP, my best friend from High School's already been published.
ReplyDeleteBut as a Fairy Godmother in Training, you know I'd be happy to donate to the Daughter College Fund. :)
(says Alethea, who can spell now...)