Sunday, April 29, 2007

You're A Real Writer If...

I had a glass of wine with dinner tonight and this list just started forming in me head...

You know you're a real writer if... you can answer 'yes' to at least 75% of these items:

1) One glass of wine is enough to start stupid ideas forming in your head that must be written down

2) You own a cat (minimum of one; maximum of three. A dog will do in a pinch. More than three animals of any kind and you're in a whole other category...)

3) Someone, most likely a 'friend,' has approached you and said, "I've got a great idea. I'll give you my idea, you write it, and we'll split the money."

5) Math is just not your thing

6) When you're supposed to be writing, laundry and vacuuming looks absolutely vital

7) When you're supposed to be doing laundry and vacuuming, writing is the most vital thing you can conceive of

8) When you are vacuuming and doing laundry, brilliant ideas flow like beer at frat house

9) When you're writing, brilliant ideas... uh, they uh...

8) Math is just not your thing

9) You have more rejections than you have rooms in your house/apartment

10) You could insulate at least one room of your house with books

11) (I can't think of one for #11, I have writers' block)

12) You've ever debated whether or not writers' block is 'real' or just in peoples' heads


McKenna said...

And if you're at 100% and at five animals for #2?

You, sir, had limoncella, too!

Aliette said...

and what if maths is very much your thing? :)

The resident Maths Geek

Edmund R. Schubert said...

We forgive you, Aliette.

Oliver said...

Jerk! I'm at 33% .

I think you're just projecting your math phobias on us!

However, #9 (part two) was true before I was out of junior high, and #9 (part one) is, well....

Aliette said...

We forgive you, Aliette.
Thank you thank you thank you :)

CharlesP said...

Nice list Ed... though for me it's doing the dishes when I should be writing and vice versa... laundry and vacuuming are never vital.

Alethea said...

Very true. Except for the math stuff, of course...but I'll let Oliver and Aliette fight my battles there.

(And if I had a pet, how would I make it to all those conventions? Silly writers...)

Dena said...

The good news is that going by this list, I am far and away a "real" writer. Bad news? Nothing in the list referenced a real WELL PAID writer. That's likely a new list unto itself.

You're a well paid writer if:
- You're paid in cash versus magazine copies

- You can afford to feed your 1- 3 pets

- You're not embarrassed to name the figure you were paid for an assignment

- You have to hire an accountant at tax time to figure out your writing finances because you've so badly mucked them up

- etc., etc.

Edmund R. Schubert said...

Looks like I'm out-numbered on that math thing. Figues; even the 'numbers' are against me.

Anonymous said...

Who needs the wine? :-)