Thursday, January 25, 2007

New Rejection Letter

In an effort to improve communication and relations with writers who submit stories to IGMS, I have written a new rejection letter. This letter is succinct and, I think, has a certain elegance, so I wanted to share it with you.

Dear Writer,

Thank you for submitting your story for consideration at IGMS. Unfortunately it sucked like a remora on a shark. Like a vacuum cleaner. Like a 20 dollar whore. Like a black hole in a bad science fiction movie. Like a kid with a straw and a McDonald's milkshake. Like a cowboy whose best buddy just got bit by a rattlesnake. Like an actor trying out for a role as a cowboy in "Brokeback Mountain." Well, okay, maybe it didn't suck that bad, but dear Lord, it wasn't any good...

We encourage you to submit more stories in the future. Just be sure you send them to some one else.

The Editors

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have to admit I laughed pretty good over that one. There's just something about a blunt, forthright approach.

Jeff P.

Maria said...

Going through the slush pile again, I see...

While that has a certain...er, ring to it, how about something more succinct? Like:

Dear Writer:

Thank you for submitting your story to IGMS.

Do not quit your day job.

Sincerely,
The Editors

Oliver Dale said...

I think I've gotten that rejection before.... Only it wasn't so flattering.

Anonymous said...

Well, I laughed all right, but I'm hoping you won't be sending that one to me any time soon!

Juliette (Wade)

CharlesP said...

I think I may have to submit something to IGMS just to see if I can get that rejection letter.

MacIsleGirl said...

Ok that was just too darn funny!
Thanks for the laugh!
C -

Anonymous said...

I would frame that and hang it on the wall.

In the bathroom, of course.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Julie Wright said...

The slush pile must be worse this round eh, Ed?
I'd frame it too (just don't send it to me) ;)

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